Worthy

          Not too long ago, I was driving down the road and began praying. This particular prayer stands out to me because as I was praying I caught myself saying, “God help me to be worthy of your love.” Suddenly, as fast as I said that, I had this realization that I was wrong. I realized that what I was really asking, was for God to help me make my behavior perfect enough that He could accept me and love me more.

            You see- I have always been the “good girl”. I hate- I mean really hate being in trouble or having anyone think badly of me. If there was a rule, I wanted to stay five feet this side of the line to make sure I didn’t accidentally almost think about looking at the line and risk the wrath of God or someone in authority. For some reason, I grew up thinking that God was this strict mean judge, high up in the sky waiting for me to mess up so that He could zap me. I could picture this huge man, all in white with this long white beard on an enormous white throne laughing loudly as he sent the bolt of lightning down to blast me for my wrong doing.

            I remember the day I got saved, feeling like I had to walk the isle and give my life to Christ, because what if I died and went to hell? As a nine year old little girl, I had a vivid imagination of fearful things, and the idea of hell and lakes of burning fire- well, no thank you. So my decision for Christ was not a John 3:16- God so loved the world kind of decision as it was a Matthew 13:42 kind- where all who do evil will be cast into a furnace of fire where there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth kind of decision. Both verses are in the Bible, but I was totally missing the point. I didn’t realize God was more interested in a relationship with me than with my perfect behavior. When I prayed that God would help me to be worthy of His love, I had the sense that He was telling me, “I can’t, because I already did”. God can’t help make me worthy because He already did His part to make me worthy when He sent Christ to die on the cross for my sins.

            Romans 4:5 says, “But people are counted as righteous, not because of their work, but because of their faith in God who forgives sinners”. Titus 3:5 says that” He saved us not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy. He washed away our sins giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit”. It is so good to know that I am not made right with God because of my works and behavior, but I am made right because of His grace, mercy, and behavior. We don’t receive or keep our relationship with God because of what we have done, but because of what He has done.

            So much of the time, we are so sin conscious, we can’t be Christ conscious. If we are always thinking about ourselves, and our sins, we don’t have time to think about the Savior who has already paid for our sins. If we focus on sin, we are actually more apt to commit more sins or become more legalistic. When we think our works are the most important part of our relationship with God, we will expect perfection in our behavior and the behavior of those around us and we will become like the Pharisees.

            I think I would have made an awesome Pharisee. I would have loved knowing all the laws and knowing I was doing such a good job keeping them, all the while comparing myself to those who did not keep the law as good as me. It would have made me feel a little more at ease- knowing I am not the worst. I think many of us are like that. Trying to keep this rule and that rule and when we do mess up- because we all do- we look around and say it is ok because at least I am better than that person. Seriously- do we think that is what God wants from us? Just someone who works to keep all the rules so that we can be good enough?

            When Jesus was asked what the most important commands were, He did not say that it was for people to have perfect performance. He said it was to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and also to love your neighbor as yourself. If your attention is always on your behavior, you will not be able to be focused on loving God and loving others.

            When you love God, you will do what He commands you (John 14:15). Even though our works do not make us worthy of God’s love- our love of God should make us desire to do good works. Ephesians 4:1, Colossians 1:10, and 1 Thessalonians 2:12 all tell us that we should walk worthy of God and what He has called us to. So even though our works will not make us worthy- only God can do that- we should try and walk worthy of our relationship with God. 1 John 3:9 says, “Those who have been born into God’s family do not make a practice of sinning, because God’s life is in them so they can’t keep sinning, because they are children of God.”

            There is so much freedom in knowing that while I should try and have good works out of love and worship to my God- those works are not what make me worthy of His love. I am made worthy of His love by the blood that was shed for me by my precious Lord and Savior. This week let’s choose to focus on the grace of our God and the love He has for us even when we don’t deserve it.